It’s OK To Not Be OK, Especially When You’re Quite Frankly, Brilliant

There are some of us (and you know exactly who you are) who don’t have a “moderate” setting. We don’t warm up. We don’t pace ourselves. We don’t politely jog the marathon.

We sprint it. In dress shoes. Uphill. And we usually win.

High-performers, entrepreneurs, ADHD brains, the “why are you moving that fast?” people.  We’re wired differently. We run on intensity, obsession and that strange supercharged focus that turns chaos into magic. The rest of the world sees the outcomes and claps.

They don’t see the cost.

From the outside, it looks effortless: the big ideas, the fast solutions, the 2 am clarity, the deals pulled from the ashes (sometimes from our assholes), the projects delivered in record time. People assume it “just happens”.

Here’s the blunt truth: none of it is effortless.

It takes years of pattern recognition, sleepless thinking, overclocked creativity and a brain that refuses to let go until the thing is done and done properly.

That’s the part people forget.

When you give someone your full battery, not the 20% version, the full thing and they shrug, or they minimise it or miss what it took, it knocks the wind out of you. And the crash is real.

Think of the movie Cocoon. You hand over the light, the spark, the glow and then everyone’s stunned when you can’t front up bright-eyed at 8:30 am the next day.

Mate, you drained the tank. Of course, we need a minute.

High-performers don’t crash because they’re fragile.

We crash because we give more than most people even know is possible.

And this week drove home a truth I’ve avoided for a long time.

I was talking to a very close friend who’s just realised their beautiful child may have ADHD. I spent time with my nephew, who has it too. Watching that softness, that instinctive desire to understand and support them…it hit me sideways.

Because here’s the uncomfortable bit: Adults like me don’t get that grace.

People who have been incredibly unkind to me about my own "behaviour", genuinely hurtful, judgmental, dismissive, suddenly become saints when it’s a child. Patient. Curious. Compassionate. Falling over themselves to help.

And good on them for supporting those kids. But let’s not pretend they extend the same humanity to adults with the same wiring.

This is the line that sums up what I’ve felt my whole life: It takes a lot more effort to forgive an adult and accept they have ADHD than it does to help a child.

Children get empathy. Adults get eye-rolls. Kids get patience. Adults get labelled “too much”, “dramatic”, “difficult”, “intense” or “hard work”. Kids get support. Adults get judged from the cheap seats.

And here’s where it gets even more real.

My amazing partner can tolerate gummies now (we also need to get over that stigma but that's another rant). Recently, and to most people, they’d do absolutely nothing. But for me, they give a few glorious hours away from being me! A tiny window where the thousand simultaneous thoughts, demands, ideas, noises and “simple requests” finally quiet down.

Just a few hours of peace that is normal for the rest of you.

But guess what? You’re not seeing me the next day. I’ll be wiped out. Completely offline.

BUT, while the rest of the world has “normal” weekend coffees, errands, brunch, relaxation, this “crazy” brain is still running overtime underneath.

People have no idea the effort it takes just to keep the engine idling, let alone performing. And yes, I am saying it finally because it's the truth!

Some people find it easy to be compassionate to kids because it feeds their ego and it makes them feel like good humans. But extending that same empathy to adults? That requires maturity, humility and the discomfort of admitting you might have judged someone unfairly for years.

Don't feel too bad! I did it just this week!

If you can be gentle with a child’s neurodiversity, you can give at least a slice of that understanding to the adults in your life who’ve been masking, compensating and carrying the weight of this wiring for decades.

ADHD doesn’t discriminate by age. But empathy apparently does.

ADHD brains aren’t inconsistent. We’re not “up and down”. We’re not dramatic. We’re operating at a level that carries teams, families, businesses and outcomes while pretending it’s normal.

But even the strongest engines need a cool-down lap. Even the geniuses need a morning off. Even the “superhuman” people need a day of silence after giving everyone around them the absolute best of themselves.

It’s not a weakness. It’s biology. It’s the natural reboot after a genius sprint.

So if you have high-performers in your orbit, or you’re one yourself, stop being selfish about what you get from them. Start noticing the cost they pay to deliver at that level.

If someone goes all-in for you, let them have a moment to recover. If someone gives you their brilliance, don’t expect them to also give you their perfectly present 8.30 am version the next day. And if someone produces the outcome no one else could, don’t pretend it was easy for them.

It wasn’t. IT WASN'T!!!

Let’s normalise the reboot. Let’s stop pretending intensity should come without consequences. Let’s understand the human effort behind the “effortless” magic.

It’s OK to not be OK especially for the ones carrying half the load.

And if we learned to offer adults even half the grace we instinctively offer children, we’d all be better for it. Because once you stop demanding perfection from the people who give you everything…you actually get the best of them again.

Take the pause. Take the breath. Take the sleep-in. You’ve earned it, and funnily enough, the world will keep spinning.

Lastly, just like a child, when an adult needs a time out, please let them!